Heart-Bombing

Yesterday was a special day

It started like a “normal” lockdown day. I did the school with the kids in the morning, prepared lunch and after cleaning the table, I prepared for a guided meditation on Zoom with some colleagues and friends. The meditation was heartfeltly guided by Dennis Tirch

I had a sense of sadness at the beginning of the group that was not usual. But little by little, my heart opened to my soul
After someone came in apologizing for being late, we all knew there was something not normal happening. But we all tried to welcome this person with acceptation and Dennis Tirch helped us all settle after the interruption and we tried to make room for this late arrival

That’s when the video of mass shooting started, probably a realistic video game. 

I remember hearing someone saying, “it’s a video game”, but my mind was taken by the images. I felt devastated

After an interruption, we were “lucky enough” to get trash pornography… 

Not a big deal? I was myself surprised by how much distress and suffering emerged from that experience

I quickly realized that I was feeling an echo of other traumatic events

This zoom bombing is the perfect metaphor of using people’s vulnerability to hurt them

The natural reaction we all had after it happened was to question how we could protect ourselves from this? 

I remember someone telling me that I am candid, that my openness was rare and refreshing. I’m an open-hearted person and some people expect it to be naïve, the result of an easy life with no betrayal or no wound

But many times, in my life, people have taken advantage of my open heart to use or abuse me. Just like this zoom-bombing, they have heart-bombed me and many others

I used two weapons in return to kill the darkness of their heart, I’ve used my sadness to grieve and allow the love to return after the swell had gone

And I’ve planted a seed of love in their heart 

Some have changed, some are gone but my heart isn’t closed to anyone of them. No matter how much hurt they have left

Thank you to this heart-bomber to allow this suffering to be expressed and shared 

Thank you also to remind me that the opening of the heart is really a choice of courage and compassion

I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to plant a seed of love in his heart but it’s all the hurt I wish him